A space to stay connected, with reflections on yoga and self-inquiry, and things to come at SOL House.
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How to love yourself, even at your worst?
Published 24 days ago • 5 min read
SOL House Co
How to love yourself, even at your worst?
Dear Reader,
This prompt came to mind at the break of dawn as I was brushing my teeth. As yoga seekers, I don't think we'll ever stop thinking about the self, because the self is the field and the subject of our study.
How do you love yourself, even at your worst? Especially at your worst?
I think it is easier to love ourselves when we are at our best. When life is going great, and we check the boxes of what is popularly known as success. We receive praise from others about our great doings, and we feel good about ourselves.
But what defines ‘best’? What is the benchmark, and where is it rooted? Is it based on societal expectations, our biases, the cultural landscape and/or our inner conversations? This process of gathering data, in the pursuit of self-knowledge (the path of Jnana Yoga), is the study of epistemology.
All of us wear tinted lenses to view the world—both inner and outer worlds. The goal in Yoga is to realise which lenses we are wearing and choose to take them off when they no longer serve their purpose. We take off a tinted lens not out of anger or hurt; rather, we do it from deep empathy and love for the self.
Let me share a personal story today.
Two years ago, I closed the physical space we once had at Tiong Bahru. I remember vividly that the decision to close came quickly, with a certainty that I could not carry on running the operations anymore. I told myself it was a financially informed decision, knowing when to put down the shovel before it was too late. In my personal life, I noticed the desire to prepare my body for pregnancy. Both reasons were compelling enough to bid the shop adieu.
What I did not know then was that the episteme of the ego-self did not take it well, and mistook it for rejection. For one, I'm far from getting pregnant. It would have been so much easier if I had something to support my claim. A “way out” card, if you could call it that, just for others to think, “Oooh, that explains the closure.” But it doesn't. You see, the ego-self was so persistent in refusing to associate with any kind of failure, just as it is (no drama, no gaslighting). To have imagined myself taking care of a child out of a sense of urgency would have been a completely irresponsible act. Two years on, I'm honestly just getting my bearings. The process—regardless of whether I eventually want to have a child or not—was never for others, never about getting ahead in the race (what race, really?). Now, I meet my bruised ego with compassion and love.
Second, going through the whirlpool of confusion, contradictions, and self-inflicted insults for leaving behind a job that I truly loved sucks. Add another layer of “spiritual ego” into the concoction, and I realised my identity never truly left the walls of the unit in Tiong Bahru. It felt good to serve people. It felt great that people needed me—why wouldn't it? But you see, the moment I chose to strip off this identity, my ego was at a loss. And at my worst, even if it did not seem like a real threat to life, I did not see myself; I did not love myself.
I struggled to leave behind the identity of a “bodyworker”, and yet I could no longer acknowledge myself as an “entrepreneur”, because my business had failed. I took a yardstick from society to measure my value and left my sunken bones out in the cold. All this while trying to bring some sense and sensibility back into my life. How thick was the lens of ignorance I was wearing?
Thankfully, there is always a way out. I worked towards finding a sense of self again, even if the process felt repetitive and mundane. I did not know then the extent to which the Universe was looking out for me. Over the years, I learned to speak kindly to the wounded child. I learned to find courage to meet my fears. I learned to reach out for support within my community. I learned to let go of many shiny and beautiful things that are temporary and intoxicating, never truly doing me good. I learned to love again.
It may not seem like it, but showing up at SOL House—this way of life, this mode of sharing—has always been my teacher and sweet solace. Never will I discontinue this bridge that connects me to Me, and Me to You.
I'm cautious of how it might sound tone-deaf to some if my words are all about fluttery literature on how much we should care about our one precious life. We should. We certainly owe ourselves just that. But I also want you to know that loving this self is not an easy ride. Especially when we can't see ourselves for who we truly are.
Sometime this week, I came to let go of my role as a bodyworker entirely. It wasn't because the timing was “cosmically aligned”; rather, it was a culmination of the healing and transformation I've seen through over the years. And with that, space opened up for me to explore the nature of what I desire to create. I am learning to find harmony within and not hold every identity so rigidly in boxes that never truly existed.
If you're here, with an outpouring of sincerity towards life—and I know you are—keep walking with love and trust, dear one. One day, you'll arrive at your clearing.
Lala Mountain, October 2026
October Schedule 🍂
Moss and engravings, Lala Mountain
Grounding Practice | 20 Oct, 7pm
This is a 90-minute class to slow down and ground the self in the presence of peace. It's an asana (yoga postures), pranayama (breath regulation), and dhyana (meditation) practice rooted in the traditional view of Yoga's primary intention—to free oneself from physical bondage and find lightness and joy from within.
If you're looking for a practice that guides you toward a calmer mind and steadier breath, this is the right class for you. Unlike popular notions of yoga in the modern world, we're not here to chase bendy postures or inversions just to look good. The intention of a yoga practice is to steady the body, breath, and mind, cultivating an open field for a deep state of mental stillness.
Self-massage is one of the most potent and accessible rituals for pouring love and attention into our own body. This 90-minute session invites us to come together and explore this sacred practice, deeply valued in traditional healing systems (particularly Ayurveda and Traditional Chinese Medicine), through bite-sized, approachable components.
This is a supportive group space for us to live, breathe, and study together, diving into the pillars of well-being that Ayurveda offers generously. Our final series focuses on Energy Management (Brahmacharya).
A dynamic way of learning includes theory, collaborative inquiry, and body-based practices to anchor the learnings holistically. You will be supported by the Study Club with resources designed to help you move through daily rhythms with confidence, clarity, and harmony.
A by-donation gathering of hearts with a simple theme of connection and reciprocity. This month, we are hosting a casual partner massage session at Yoga In Common, with an introduction to marma point massage and somatic touch. You do not have to arrive with a partner—we’ll pair up on the day.
Reply to this email to RSVP or to be added to our WhatsApp group chat.
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